Have you noticed how often our job becomes a central part of our identity? When you meet someone new at a party or a dinner, one of the first questions is usually: ’So, what do you do for a living?’ It’s everywhere – on forms, social media bios, even dating profiles. Our profession is often the first thing people learn about us. 

It’s not surprising that work becomes a core part of our identity. We spend roughly one-third of our day on the job – or about half of our waking hours. For early-career researchers like PhD students and postdocs, this “job identity” can feel even more intense. 

When I was a PhD student, it often felt like my entire life revolved around my research. Through my coaching work, I’ve seen this pattern play out with many early-career researchers. In Transactional Analysis, we talk about ’life scripts’ – patterns shaped early in life that continue to influence how we behave as adults. My own script is “be perfect”: the idea that I had to meet high standards to be accepted. This belief pushed me toward overworking and perfectionism – both of which thrive in an academic environment. 

I wasn’t Isabelle anymore. I was ’a PhD student’. With a daily three-hour commute, my weeks were packed with work, and social contact was limited to weekends. My sense of self became completely entangled with my academic role. And while that felt rewarding when things went well, it became incredibly difficult when they didn’t – rejections, failed experiments, critical feedback. It didn’t just feel like my work had failed. It felt like I had failed. 

That’s why I now encourage early-career scientists to remember: your PhD is not your identity. 

So how can you start separating the two? Here are a few things that helped me – and may help you as well: 

• Build friendships outside academia. This can be challenging, especially for internationals, but it’s worth it. Try Meetups, Girl Gone International events, hobby clubs or sports groups. Friends outside the academic world offer different views and remind you that there’s more to life than research. 

• Create mental distance. Take breaks during the day. Step outside. Breathe. Protect your evenings and weekends. Take real holidays. The more deeply you’re absorbed in work, the harder it becomes to keep perspective. 

• Let go of the need for constant success. Things won’t always go your way – and that’s normal. Rejections hurt, but they’re part of the journey. They sting less with time, especially when you stop tying them to your self-worth. 

• Nurture other sources of fulfillment. Activities that spark creativity or physical movement – writing, painting, hiking, dancing – help your mind shift gears and recharge. 

• Zoom out. Your PhD feels monumental now, but ask yourself: will this rejected paper or failed experiment matter in 5, 10, or 20 years? Probably not. 

• Talk to mentors. People with more professional and life experience can help you gain perspective and define what success and meaning look like on your own terms. 

You are more than your research and your PhD. And the sooner you start living with that awareness, the stronger, more creative and resilient you’ll become. Your PhD is a chapter – not the title – of your story.